I just got home from work and I tend to be up until the wee hours lately..maybe I’m a vampire..who knows. So on my way into work the ex husband text me to say his flight was getting ready to leave and he was on his way to Hawaii. Yippy fucking skippy. Honestly, it brought me to tears that I fought off like a spider monkey while driving my youngest to daycare so I could go to work. Why in the hell it hit me so wrong is what I pondered on my drive after leaving daycare.. You know what it is..it’s that great feeling of hurt again.. I don’t want to hear about what we should be doing, where we should be.
I cry because I wanted to be married. I wanted to be a wife…I still do. (to a better partner) I love being a mother more than anything else in this world..I want another child, even at forty. I feel robbed of that happiness..that opportunity.
I made a mistake and chose an alcoholic as a partner..and it didn’t help over time the money that became apparent along with the awful control that is used with having that power of money…and I don’t care what anyone says, if someone has that much money, they are powerful. There are plenty of people who will kiss ass and hurt others for an opportunity to be “thrown a bone.”
I have first hand witnessed people change over money..the family I was around felt like they could do no wrong…yet it was the most fucked up family I’ve ever seen..