So I’ve been trying to write a book on my experience in dealing with chronic pain and my journey in stopping opiates cold turkey.
I figured since I’ve literally been continuously foraging through depths of hell, in degrees, I didn’t know even existed.
I had to share my experience, to give others who wanted off opiates, faster resources since there wasn’t anything helpful or readily available for me. A crisis blueprint so to speak to help others.
I consistently & constantly read and research(ed) everything so I can/could to understand a cause.
If I had/have a cause, I focus on finding a solution, which for me equaled enough temporary relief to figure out how I was going to make it through that day, hour or minute during the acute withdrawals and I’ve found helpful during PAWS
And still 366 days later I mainly spend living in the minute. Not irresponsibly just taking each minute as it comes because I never know physically, emotionally or mentally how difficult each minute will be.
Thanks to whatever is causing my body to have severe cognitive issues and a host of other issues.
Initially I figured the acute withdrawals would ease up. I also had a guideline to follow for PAWS..
(post acute withdrawals)
..This timeline fueled my determination and kept me hopeful and driven. It gave me a reason to continue battling my way to the finish line…wherever that may be.
366 Days I have been opiate free. Daily I have pain, so many unexpected “bizarre” issues, muscle twinges, spasms/cramps and flare ups that are debilitating and last for days that take every ounce of my energy to breathe. The confusion, frustration and exhaustion is real.
I keep hoping that today’s going to be a good day as I access my body and mind when I wake up.
“When am I going to feel ok again?” or “Is this my longterm new normal?” And how do I continue function if so? These are my thoughts each morning. Any given night, usually in cycles, I’m faced with extreme insomnia that I’m so mentally exhausted I can’t write or think properly. And so uncomfortable I’m constantly moving from bed to the couch to bath to bed to couch.. This process and experience has been down right soul testing that’s for sure!
I finally realize, that my inner strength is far greater than I could have ever imagined, I figure it out one way or another and that’s a gift in itself.
The longest flare up I’ve had lasted 18days straight. Generally I have two “good days” then 5-8 days in active flare ups.
Still 366 days off opiates, and what I’m trying to figure out is this, what is wrong with my body and how can it be fixed? I’ve presented this to my medical team and we have begun the process of elimination in finding out what is causing my symptoms.
Prayers greatly appreciated & accepted for resolution in a timely matter.🙏🏻
1.Do I have MS and if so what stage?
(In process of testing now)
2.Do I have stage 6 fibromyalgia? Lupus? Other autoimmune issues?
These same symptoms, far less in severity, I asked about 6mos after my car accident (10 years ago) and I was dismissed for fibromyalgia.
(I believe to have been stage 1 back then if tests now show fibromyalgia)
3.Are these the chronic long term side effects from opiate use? (Taken as prescribed under a pain clinic doctors care.)
4.Are my symptoms going to be chronic due to the trauma on my brain, body and central nervous system from quitting the opiates cold turkey?
5.Do I have Arachnoiditis caused by the five steroid injections I was given in the pain clinic?
Once I was given the wrong injection (med error) and told “Sorry.”
Another injection resulted in a serious reaction during the procedure.
I literally said out loud,
“I cannot die in this clinic!” while my driver and child waited outside.
This was completely downplayed by the nurse and the doctor in room. My having 13 years experience working in the medical field, I’m very aware & experienced in critical situations.
I felt something go wrong then I could see their actions. I even met with the doctor later I was so upset this “common” reaction as he said, wasn’t ever explained to me. His excuse was, “If we tell people it will happen more often.” Poorest excuse ever.
I HAD to try these injections for pain relief to stay on with the pain clinic and to continue the opiates. Which was the only temporary relief I was and didn’t understand fully what was happening to my body at that time.
I recently learned these injections are NOT FDA approved.
This is what I deal with daily then this “opiate crisis” erupts suddenly…
Money and politics are the driving force.
It’s the common denominator every time I connect the dots.
It’s all happening so fast right now that I can’t even write fast enough to keep up. I’m not even sure who I can help anymore.
Initially my goal was to help anyone who was wanting off opiates and anyone who reached out when I shared my experience. I helped four separate people through this process.🙌🏻
Now, the chronic pain patients are the ones dying and paying the price with zero resources.
Zero education to what’s happening to them.
The FDA, CDC, DEA and all of Congress are stumbling over each other, spinning in circles, avoiding accountability and accomplishing nothing but tons of new laws that will get lost in the accountability shuffle.
What I don’t understand is this.
Why is it always labeled Addiction?
By the news, government, DEA, CDC, FDA and among society when it comes to opiates?
(Any prescribed pharmaceutical drugs for that matter.)
“Opiates may cause addiction.”
Here’s a brilliant idea! Maybe, just MAYBE if they would tell the TRUTH:
“Your body, on a chemical level, WILL no longer naturally produce the amount of chemicals needed by receptors in your entire body and your body WILL become DEPENDENT on these opiates..
(hence withdrawals when opiate is suddenly removed or tapered/decreased too fast)
…with longterm use and this may possibly happen with short term use. In addition, you may also become addicted as well.”
How the hell does the DEA, FDA and CDC approve these drugs on these facts yet they only require partial or deceptive information given to the patient, doctor or clinic?
Oh there’s that money and politics issue again..
If they used the terms addicted & dependency correctly they would have to admit these are inhumane dosage cuts and the fast tapers are making greater problems, causing excessive amounts of pain in patients and is causing more deaths.
Suicide & death rates, in my opinion, will greatly surpass the previous overdose rates this year alone, the chronic pain patients making up this population.
Not the addicts overdosing on street carfentanyl.
Those numbers and those statistics will be “misinterpreted” and greatly underestimated when those reports are asked for by the public in the future..it is only a matter of time before we see this.
I’m in pain 24/7 and honestly 366 days ago I quit, pain clinic prescribed opiates, (195mg) and I fired my pain clinic.
I chose to do this, because my pain had radiated everywhere throughout my body, no longer was my pain only at my fusion.
(Initial reason for pain management)
This should have been caught by the third dosage increase by the doctor who was supposedly educated on prescribing this drug.
Dependent/Dependency is so downplayed, it’s rarely mentioned anywhere🤦🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️ and it IS the difference in insurance approval
or denial by the insurance companies.
Here is an example of the difference:
“Are you an addict?”
“Ok here’s a detox program and also here’s a longterm treatment program and we will throw in large dosages of suboxone or methadone.”
Are you dependent?
“Sorry we can’t help you. Unless that is, you take massive amounts of..
(a drug used for opiate withdrawals)
..Suboxone and THEN we can do a taper (why not just slowly taper the original opiate?)
you can stay on this suboxone or methadone longterm because it’s “safer and helps against addiction”🤦🏼♀️🤮
No it’s more money.
What happens when suboxone becomes deemed the new drug of choice fabricated crisis?
Think of ADD/ADHD medications, they’re a legal stimulant. Point blank.
It has its place and time as well. I having been diagnosed as a child at 7yrs old, as well as two of my children given the ADD/ADHD diagnosis beg to differ on its usage.
Back on subject..now what happens to those patients who are abruptly cut off Suboxone or Methadone or put on fast Suboxone or Methadone tapers then?
I believe one of the next “drug crisis” will be antidepressants.
Since that is what every doctor is pushing at the start of my appointments. And other chronic pain patients who are in physical, mental, emotional and financial crisis from being cut or tapered are FIRST offered.
Hmmmm I’m pretty sure I have a right to cry from the extensive timeframe and the amount of debilitating pain and the constant debilitating cognitive issues I live with now, that no one can answer, warrants high stress.
The clear attitude difference by doctors in my appointments tells me this is an issue as well.
I’m watching this shit show of a so called “opiate crisis” unfold before me.
I’ve seen a licensed mental health professional once a WEEK for 3 years who fully agrees that I am working through multiple extremely difficult issues. It’s expected to have dark moments trying to function under crisis, pain or trauma. I work through these issues without daily pharmaceutical medications that will only mask or numb the emotional (mental heath) experiences.
I highly recommend finding the right fit and finding a mental health therapist experienced in all areas you may have trauma. Childhood trauma not treated and consisting of:
emotional, mental, physical abuse and toxic family environments will follow into adulthood.
Those who find a way to work through these issues (mental heath therapy) and have the courage to face the extremely painful and difficult emotions, find peace and they heal. They learn to detach in a healthy way from those who actively contributed to and continue to contribute to negatively impact their lives.
At first, I didn’t feel like I had a choice. When in fact I did have a choice. I could have given up and not had the courage to face many past issues that come rushing back after coming off a medication that affects how the brain functions.
I will not give up. I will continue to heal and recover.
For me, I had to get the opiates out of my system to know fully understand what was happening to my body..unfortunately I believe Pandora’s box may have been opened medically.
Ironically, THAT was my fear.
I was terrified of suboxone withdrawals. Everything I had read, I would survive opiate withdrawals, and the acute intense pain should ease.
Suboxone, wasn’t as cut and dry cold turkey. Suboxone has 10X worse the withdrawals spoken by those going through this BEFORE the “opiate crisis” and BEFORE the inhumane drastic dosage cuts and fast tapers started.
This terrified me before this, now I’m terrified for others who have no idea what’s happening.
The issues I faced just prior to this so called “opiate crisis” were never addressed years ago.
2012 I was sent from primary dr to a pain clinic.
This is where the problem was created. More pain clinics went off incentives and half truths than most. Just look at all of the raids and closures of pain clinics across the country in the last few weeks alone..🤦🏼♀️
Remember that contract you signed as a pain clinic patient?
That essentially was you giving up your rights to speak against the Pain Clinic and how they did your pain management. If you said anything you were a “drug seeker” or you were warned, three strikes you’re out. No meds.
When in actuality, it was “misdiagnosed” opiate tolerance. This one is on the pain clinics hands.
So all of the patients who spoke out or became tolerant faster than others and felt more pain due to tolerance and requested more medication because they were in greater pain, they were the ones cut off and dismissed from the program..Guess who went to friends, family and the streets to get the only thing they knew to make their excruciating pain stop? (real and perceived pain) you guessed it, Anyone cut off opiates.
I also feel the cartel could see the demand and they jumped on a lucrative opportunity…welcome to carfentanyl.
I wonder how many people actually know the difference between Addiction and Dependence?
So who’s helping those contracted pain clinic patients who have been cut off or put on a fast taper?
Where is their mental health support? (God knows they’ll need it!) Where is the doctor to explain in detail what’s happening to them chemically and physically with longterm use?
Naw, It’s far more lucrative for those profiting from this and to have society believe everyone an addict I’ve learned…