So my ex-husband text me asking to take our son, who is five and autistic, on vacation four hours away for a week. Now most people would be just fine with this. I am not. I am not for the wellbeing and for the best interest of my son. My son has therapy the day they wanted to leave with him and he also has therapy the following day. Now I explained to my ex the reasons I do not feel it is safe for my son, and yes I use “my” because since the day he was born I do 200% of his care, to be away for that amount of time.
My ex has never had my son overnight without me in his entire life. When my ex has had him for longer than three hours something is always an issue and my son tells me when he gets home. He has a brother who has major behavior issues and when he acts up it effects my youngest. My youngest complained that Dad didn’t stop the older son and it hurt his feeling and it made him scared when they were yelling. I have seen first hand and my older child was always told if he wanted us over he needed to stop the behavior or we would leave. Sometimes his behavior changed for the better and we stayed, other times it became worse and we would leave. Now mind you during all of the confrontations my ex wouldn’t say a word and if he did it would be him swearing and yelling at our older son.
I have been to the cabin they use up north and I have been there to first hand witness how grandma allows the children to drink alcohol as does my ex. These kids are all underage. Now this year my step son is the only one of the kid of age to drink. Previous years I have seen my volatile ex brother in law drinking and freaking out at any given moment. I have seen my ex drinking with the kids. He acts like he is one of their friends and he is back in high school.
I’ve witnessed constantly how drinking delays dinner and usually it’s burnt or over done due to lack of judgement by either my ex or his brother because they are intoxicated. I’ve witnessed my niece who has more issues than a treatment center start some sort of drama that grandma jumps in to save the day or enable.
I actually left for a day with my son because it was all so overwhelming to be around them and the tension was causing my son so much stress we had to get out and do something away from all of them.
I realized after reading this I had not finished writing! ugh, that tells you exactly where my mind has been lately!
So I declined to have my son go with his father and his grandmother up north because I don’t feel it’s in the best interest for my son nor is it in the best interest of his safety. His father didn’t put up much of an argument yet his grandmother felt the need to ask me through Facebook messenger. She felt the need to tell me how I need to think of them and their wants. Not once mentioning Keagan’s needs or best interest. I decided it was best to not entertain her and I have not been responding to her messages bullying me. I don’t think she will ever understand and I absolutely am not the one to be able to have her understand. There is far to much hatred from her to me. She would never fully listen or understand.
My son has a medical diagnosis of Autism. She refuses to believe he is not what some would consider “normal” when really what is the idea of normal anyhow? The problem is she refuses to believe he needs the added help and therapy. She chooses to make this about me and that I’m going “overboard” with his treatment and care. Her idea is, “He’s going to school in the fall.” so he’s just fine. She has no idea what it takes and has taken to get him to school. In that I mean the struggles I have faced and continue to face. Do I mainstream my son? Will he do alright? Will the kids break him and discourage his amazing desire to achieve and be the brightest light in the room? He gets so upset when he doesn’t understand social situations and this hurts him. He retreats. He doesn’t understand. Mom and his therapists are the ones to teach him coping skills, to give him the love I need to as a mother.
It’s not just as simple as signing him up for kindergarten for he or I. Especially when his father is threatening to stop paying for where we live, knowing I can’t afford it, which is also very scary. I have less than a month to figure out school. I have to consider therapy, IEP meetings, transportation, care before and after school. I have to find a new place for us to start making memories, a new place that is scary for not just myself but for my son. Change isn’t a strong area for him as he is greatly attached to people, places and items. All of these things that neither his father or grandmother even consider. They have not been a part of his care at all. They hardly see him and they have so much hatred towards me. All I am concerned for is my sons continued therapy and his wellbeing. I’ve also learned to focus on my health and my happiness. No longer letting those who aren’t involved try to harden me.
It would be nice if people in this situation would truly put my son’s best interest, happiness and wellbeing first. Because that is truly the only thing that matters…My son.