It’s been quite a while since I’ve written and many things have changed.. As my ex-husband and I were going through our difficulties I was trying to understand our youngest son and the issues that pertain to him. During this process I opened our eyes to a whole other world. A world that has more understanding, more compassion, more empathy and more love than I ever thought possible. I had come across a couple articles during my research of autism that felt as though the person writing them was looking through my eyes as they wrote these articles. I thought how could that be? No one had been there through each and every situation I had with my relationship..how could they be so accurate? I sent my ex-husband these articles in hopes of an understanding for our son and our coparenting…what I received in return was unimaginable. My ex-husband actually responded with, ” Jesus Christ, I think I have asperger’s!” I commend him in this and his willingness to learn more for our son, himself and our relationship.
I feel like the past 17 1/2 years are making more sense and I believe that what has been in my heart all along is making its way to our reality. My ex-husband (boyfriend) and I have agreed that we will be together and we will be a family. He has given me my ring which is never coming off! We may be a little less traditional because we do not live in the same household even though we are still together..hey, it works for us, for now. I personally feel once the children are older and we have things under better management we could all live together again.
We have recently come to learn that our four year old has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder…something I have known for some time as I’ve done my fair share of research…yet who can ever fully prepare to hear your childs diagnosis from a team of Doctors…I thought I was prepared…thought is the key word. The level of fear I felt the moment we were told this I was unprepaired to feel and uncontrollably began to sob..it was the fear that terrified me..as it doesn’t change a single thing about how I feel for my son..I have had such an overwhelming amount of love for this little boy and a much deeper connection than with my previous children. Our pediatrician and our team of Doctors all noticed this amazing connection he and I have. Hearing them tell me this was as amazing for me to hear as it was for them to see. I have always been extremely protective of my little boo and a calmness in he an I’s relationship is one like no other I’ve experienced. I was definately picked to be his momma for a reason as he was chosen to be my son for a reason..
The days of our lives…ever changing…