Oh Father..

As I’ve been dealing with a vast change when it comes to relationships in my life, I have come to learn my own family is not exempt from this change.

I’ve owed my father some money for quite some time and I will pay him back as soon as I can..unfortunately financial prosperity isn’t a problem I am blessed with..so it’s taking longer, though never forgotten by me.

I can’t imagine that alone is what has caused the distance between my father and I…If so I find resentment if his reason for lack of contact is based on money…given my younger sister still lives in his home with her son..and I can bet my life she owes him far more than I ever have.

It all started this past Thanksgiving…

I had my first steroid injection in my neck given all the problems/pain I have been having with a previous surgery.  I had the injection on Tuesday..took off work Wednesday and Thursday…returning Friday knowing I needed the money.  I ended up having some complications to the injection during the procedure..thought I was going to die..literally…then that night I started reacting to the steroid itself. Needless to say I had been feeling awful and in a lot of pain for 18 weeks prior to the injection so this was no fun day at the park.  I was so exhausted physically and mentally I decided I didn’t want to leave the house on Thursday..Thanksgiving.  I knew my father was going to be upset we weren’t going to be there that alone caused anxiety…like why do I even have to feel bad for him being upset when at forty years old I am quite alright in making a decision that I don’t need to be “punished” for by my father.

As the days went on and on…it came to my birthday..Dec 2…no phone call from my father…no happy birthday on facebook…nothing from him. Extremely unusual for him..then it hit me…he’s still pissed over Thanksgiving.  Now it really started to bother me…then Christmas comes and he and I still have not spoken…yet he had been reading my face book postings and knew what a rough time I was having with my neck…not one phone call to even ask how I was.  That lead to a strange Christmas where him and my grandmother didn’t have much to say…yet either did I as I could feel the tension..so I interacted with my sisters, children and nieces and nephews in the living room and when I had enough and was ready to go we said good bye and left.  It was enjoyable because I didn’t let he and grandmas tension get to me.

Then about a month or so later my sister text me telling me our father is sitting on the couch reading all my face book posts out loud with an attitude…(mind you we still haven’t talked since the day of my first injection.) and my sister told him to knock it off..no one cares. (her family and my other sister were apparently..god knows who else.) So I told her..watch this, if he’s going to act like a child, he will be treated as one! So I deleted him from my facebook.  I figured it would take about a week for him to figure out it wasn’t something wrong with his ipad…I deleted him.  That is exactly what happened….except then a few weeks later I get a text from my step mother saying, “Hi! Your dad looked at my phone last night and saw that we were friends on facebook. Oops. We just tell him he must have unfriended you!” My response, “I will tell him I deleted him, I did because of the way he acted reading my posts out loud yet can’t pick up the phone and call me!”

The next text…….TEXT…I get is, “Did you hear your dad is having his hip replaced on the 5th? Thought you might want to know!”

I still have not heard from my father…he didn’t even call to tell me!

I am so angry with him for the way he has acted and above all..to try and make it  like I did something wrong for not going to a holiday…it may be wrong I am being stubborn and that I didn’t call prior to his surgery, yet I told myself if something did happen to him during surgery that it was his choice to play the “I’m going to give you the silent treatment because I’m disappointed in you game.” not mine!

I realized no wonder I have the views towards men that I do…given my examples growing up and this awful game my father chose to play now..

I for once am disappointed in my father..




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