To be continued part 2

So this past July I moved out and into a beautiful two bedroom townhouse.  I made sure it was close to the private school my oldest attends as the younger boys will also attend I would guess.  I’m far away enough from all the places and people that surrounded us during our time together and close enough that it makes the drive not that bad.

I have my two and a half year son all but Tuesday nights and every other weekend.  My sixteen year old..well at first I chalked it up to him being sixteen..always on the go.  I didn’t have internet or tv for the first five months so that was his reason..he needed internet for school work.  My ten year old, well that is a whole other story…oh the stories.. Well he pretty much told me, “It’s boring at your house and I don’t like it!”  I tried forcing a schedule as I have always been involved in my children’s school and with doctor visits.  Until now.  It’s pretty hard to compete with dad’s house…I mean really no rules, no expectations, what ever they want…they get.  We lived in an $800,000.00 house, there is a rink in the back during the winter, snowmobiles, bonfires and every xbox game imaginable..then you have Grandmas…shit that’s one on one time, going shopping and getting new toys, she has golf carts, a trap shooting set up in her back yard, a gun case that holds her sons and grandsons guns that she bought them, an indoor sport court, a million dollar boat they all go on in the summer…NO WONDER MY HOUSE IS BORING!!!!!

I have rules also, you make a mess, you clean it up…I’m sorry if you leave the front door open in the winter I’m going to yell “SHUT THE DOOR!”  I am going to want to talk to you, I am going to want to have dinner together, if you fight with your brother, I am going to step in!

I have not seen my ten year old since Christmas eve…

He’s called twice.

It breaks my heart that money and freedom to run wild wins over seeing mom. It literally breaks my heart, yet it’s a fight that went nowhere.  I fight the lump in my throat and the tears welling up..I just let them roll down my face..

You just have to sometimes.

I’m scared for my little man to get older..and I’m afraid he will choose the same..then what?  I have three children who I hardly see..they are buddy buddy with dad and grandma…get all they want..think it’s ok for dad to drink like he does and find cocaine..and somehow rationalize it’s still “ok”





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