Letting go of people, places and things happen in our own time. My time is now. The people who I allow to continuously suck the life out of me..the people I admire for so many other reasons tend to have another thing in common..they suck life from me, instantly. Maybe these people came into my life for a season..and that season is coming to a change. In the long run making me better and stronger for having them in my life at one point.
I’ve let go of the long term pain my alcoholic step-father instilled in me at a very young age..your fat, you have a “n!$$%r” ass..(add to the list of reasons I HATE that word..and I mean HATE, don’t ever say it around me!)
Guess what? I’m not fat. I may not like some things about my body yet the only way I am changing them are for myself, not for what you think, your opinion doesn’t matter.
I’ve let go of my parents divorce and their choice of step-parents for me, while growing up, I had awful and I mean awful step-parents. I forgive each of them. I know better now as an adult. You know what? You taught me to never ever in my life treat another human being, another CHILD the way each of you did. I’m a better person for that. Thank you.
I’ve let go of the resentment.
I’ve let go of the failure I felt with my divorce. I am a true romantic and I have always been, always will be, no one will take that from me!
I woke up this morning and I just felt different…a strain of events I’m sure lead up to this feeling, the feeling of I’m tired of wanting someone so badly and being treated so poorly. I caught myself saying, “You put him on a pedestal he doesn’t deserve.” He touched me so deeply on a spiritual level..I can’t even explain it. The smell of his skin, the deepness in his eyes as I talked to him…ok, enough. I’m letting him and the thought of him go. (this one I’m still in the process of letting go as you can see.)
I will let go.
So here is another thought I want to throw out to you all.. sometimes we need to let go and other times we need to distance ourselves, not quite letting go.
I have had quite a few bumps in the road with my neck lately, four level cervical fusion in 2008 due to car accident on the way to divorce hearing..I know right?!, and I opted out of going to my parents for Thanksgiving. I spent it with my two year old son..in our pj’s ALL day and eating his favorite..pizza! It was wonderful for me. I had a rough week leading up to Thanksgiving.
Apparently my father was less than pleased with my decision. I let it go…I mean I’m 40yrs old, I chose to stay home with my son, so be it. My birthday came two weeks later, first time I never received a happy birthday phone call from my father. That irritated me! I let it go.
I get a text last night from my sister saying our father is sitting on the couch reading my facebook posts out loud to everyone and shaking his head.
I exercised my right and hit DELETE! You’ve lost your privilege to my facebook. If you act like a child, you will be treated as one. End of story.
Here is where distance comes in…it is my own father..yet that doesn’t give him the right to bring chaos, drama and pain/hurt into my life. He can live that way, I choose not to. I spent many years of my life always trying to please others at my own expense. That has been coming to a halt…it’s been a long time coming.
Thank you everyone for playing a part in my life and writing the first few chapters with me…I’m going to write a few of my own for awhile with everything I’ve learned along the way so far.
It is my start…I couldn’t be more thrilled!
So thank you for taking the time to read my words..there is so much more to come. 🙂